If you give a mouse a cookie, do you know what will happen?

May 22, 2013

Does anyone remember the children’s story, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie?
Well, if not, here’s the jist of it…. If you give a mouse a cookie, he’ll ask for a glass of milk. If you give him the glass of milk, he’ll ask you for a straw. Before you know it, you’re tearing the house apart just to please this stupid mouse, even though you started the kind gesture in the first place.

I was thinking about that story the other day because sometimes I feel like that. I start of with something, receiving a free cookie I never asked for, and before I know it, some atomic bomb has gone off, tearing the house apart. I take advantage of something and it just blows up in my face.

Well, that has happened with social media, for example Facebook. I never used it that much before I came here. Yes, I would get on as a distraction to homework, but I have never been the person to have an hourly update of my life. Why? Because no one cares. I post pictures because people can look at pictures quickly and move on. Nothing is super exciting about my life that people would be interested in reading hourly updates of what I ate today or how I was standing in line for twenty minutes.

That’s why I never started a blog until I came here. I don’t have that interesting of a life and I’m not hilarious, so why would people find what I have to say interesting. I was convinced though that it was a good way to express myself. So I started one. I did it for myself, not for anyone else, even though I knew I would have an audience. But I should have known that something would go wrong.

I am not very good with my words. Never have been. I thought that if I wrote down my thoughts that they would make sense. However, they have just added to confusion.

I have never meant to hurt anyone with these blogs. I can see now that I can never use my words well enough to get my point across without that being the case. I only wanted to be honest and real. I’m so tired of hiding who I am, afraid of what people think. I’m a people pleaser. I know it, but I’m trying to change. People may think that I have a perfect life and I have it all together. But that’s not the case. Some days I go to bed hating myself for something I said or did that day.  I am not perfect. I only wanted people to see that, but in the end I just made it worse for the people around me.

I have taken the power for freedom of speech and have abused it. Until I can figure out how to correctly use it, this will be my last blog. Thank you to those who have enjoyed my blogs, and I’m deeply sorry to those I have hurt. 

Blue Eyes

May 7, 2013

I have blue eyes...but that's not a surprise to anyone.

Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and something catches you off guard? Sometimes I'm amazed at my eyes. One day they'll be bright blue, the next day a stormy grey, and some days in between my iris is a majority of my eye.

But we all have things that we think are our best features. For me it's my eyes. I've always loved having blue eyes because it's special in my family. My mom fell in love with my dad because of his big blue eyes (along with his witty humor and charming good looks). When my eyes are greyish, my mom says that I look like my great aunt Helen, whom I get my middle name from. And my older brother also has blue eyes. Now, my older brother and I don't always see eye to eye (no pun intended). In fact, I think part of his life he hated me, but I admit I was that little cry baby sister who always tried to pass on the blame; so I don't hold it against him. Besides that, I have always looked up to my older brother. My room is right next to his room so I can hear when his bed creak. In high school I could hear when he got up, and I used him as my second alarm clock. Also, when he left for college, I cried several nights while going to sleep because I missed having him next door. Well...that was a tangent, back to my point.

They say that eyes are the portal to the soul, or is it window? Whichever works I guess. So I wonder what people see when they look into my eyes. I like to think that my eyes portray a tempest upon the sea (I love that word, tempest...) but probably not because the only unsettled things about me are my emotions (and food cravings). So maybe they see a calm still water. That would be cool. I like water and I think I'm a pretty calming person. Or even better, a cool, clear rippling stream down a mountain. Streams are always personified as giddy, joyful, pure, and ever changing. Alright, that's not bad either.

Hmm, what else, it could be a blue cloudless sky. Hawks are my favorite animals because I envy their freedom to sore and explore. They are weightless creature with the power to take down their prey. They are majestic, yet powerful. Dangerous, yet serene. The open sky is their terrain. So a blue sky isn't bad, but clouds add ten times more fun when looking at the sky. I can sit and watch the clouds go by for hours on end. And trust me, my imagination can find some pretty crazy shapes. Plus when you're flying and you get above the cloud level, the world changes to a marshmallow playground where you can imagine unicorns prancing around and angles skiing down the hills. The clouds look so thick that you could take a nap out there just on a pile of fluff (oh the bliss).

Ok, so I’ve gone on enough tangents and have run out of other blue things to compare. I may never know what people think when they look into my eyes, but there is a sea of possibilities. The sky is unlimited. My only hope is that if my eyes really are windows to my soul that they may never become tinted so that my true self is disguised. May who I am be distinguishable through my eyes but mainly carried out through my actions.

That’s all I’ve got for now.

Enjoy the world and it’s wondrous beauties.

And think about this: if who you really are is shown in you’re eyes, what would others see?