If you give a mouse a cookie, do you know what will happen?

May 22, 2013

Does anyone remember the children’s story, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie?
Well, if not, here’s the jist of it…. If you give a mouse a cookie, he’ll ask for a glass of milk. If you give him the glass of milk, he’ll ask you for a straw. Before you know it, you’re tearing the house apart just to please this stupid mouse, even though you started the kind gesture in the first place.

I was thinking about that story the other day because sometimes I feel like that. I start of with something, receiving a free cookie I never asked for, and before I know it, some atomic bomb has gone off, tearing the house apart. I take advantage of something and it just blows up in my face.

Well, that has happened with social media, for example Facebook. I never used it that much before I came here. Yes, I would get on as a distraction to homework, but I have never been the person to have an hourly update of my life. Why? Because no one cares. I post pictures because people can look at pictures quickly and move on. Nothing is super exciting about my life that people would be interested in reading hourly updates of what I ate today or how I was standing in line for twenty minutes.

That’s why I never started a blog until I came here. I don’t have that interesting of a life and I’m not hilarious, so why would people find what I have to say interesting. I was convinced though that it was a good way to express myself. So I started one. I did it for myself, not for anyone else, even though I knew I would have an audience. But I should have known that something would go wrong.

I am not very good with my words. Never have been. I thought that if I wrote down my thoughts that they would make sense. However, they have just added to confusion.

I have never meant to hurt anyone with these blogs. I can see now that I can never use my words well enough to get my point across without that being the case. I only wanted to be honest and real. I’m so tired of hiding who I am, afraid of what people think. I’m a people pleaser. I know it, but I’m trying to change. People may think that I have a perfect life and I have it all together. But that’s not the case. Some days I go to bed hating myself for something I said or did that day.  I am not perfect. I only wanted people to see that, but in the end I just made it worse for the people around me.

I have taken the power for freedom of speech and have abused it. Until I can figure out how to correctly use it, this will be my last blog. Thank you to those who have enjoyed my blogs, and I’m deeply sorry to those I have hurt.